The older I get the more I realize just how often things truly are not how they seem.
I remember the feeling in my gut. The feeling that told me I was in trouble. Things had been going okay with Cam, but we were growing distant. Spending less time together, going our separate ways. I still had a lot of feelings for Cam, but needed some time to figure out my own life, being only 18. I called Cam and asked I could come over. He agreed, and 2 hours later I was sitting on his bed, playing around on his laptop.

After about an hour of mindless conversation, I started to focus in on our relationship.
All this time, pondering in my head the right wording to use. How not to start a fight, and just tell him I want to take a break so we can both sort ourselves out. My mind was blank.

"We haven't been spending much time together lately" I tried.
"We've both been busy" he responded callously.
Crap.
He stares blankly at me, I can feel my hands perspire. I start to fidget with the bedding as he stares at me.
"I think," I start, but words fail me. Why am I so nervous?
"Hm?" Why does he seem so uninterested?
"I guess I just think it might be a good idea for us to take some time, you know... To ourselves." There. I said it. Got it out. Why am I holding my breath?
"Okay".
What? Really? That's all I get?
"Where do you want to go? I can't take much time off work." He looks at me as he speaks from across the bed, but still, I feel as though I barely have his attention.
"Cam, I want to take a break" I suddenly blurt out.
I finally breathe, where did that come from?
Nothing.
Silence.
I feel myself consciously counting the seconds. Awaiting his reply.
"No." He calmly states matter-of-factly, then quietly leaves the room without another word.

Now what? I feel tears building up inside me. No. Not now, not here. I take a few deep breaths and sign into my messaging account. Deans online. Perfect.
I type...
SOS
How did it go?
He said no.
What? What did you say exactly?
I said I wanted to take a break!!!!!
And he said no? Wtf?  
What do I do dean!!! I'm freaking out!!
Where is he now? What happened? 
He left. He said no... Then walked out of the room.
What? Tell him he doesn't get to say no. You want a break. You will call him when you want to talk. 
I'll try. G2g ttys.

I hear foot steps on the stairs. Crap. He doesn't sound happy. Double crap. I quickly sign out of the messenger, and close the lid of the laptop. I take a deep breath and prepare for the worst as the door opens.

He walks calmly to the bed and hands me a glass of water with ice. He sits beside me, and I fight the urge to scoot further from him.
"Cam," I start, but am cut off.
"Don't. We are going to work through this together. Don't worry about it. I'm not mad."
"No Cam, I want to take a break. I will call you when I'm ready." Breathe breathe breathe.
"No." Crap crap crap crap crap.